Mom's Battle Is Finally Over

It's nearly 1:30 AM and here I am finally updating my blog after 6 months. The only reason I got around to it now is because I simply cannot sleep. Wednesday, January 13, 2010 I received a call at 7:25 AM. It was Griff. He said, "The paramedics need to know if your mom has a do not resus order." It took a moment for it to sink in. He was asking me if my mother should be resucitated or not. Then my mind went blank. I had no idea. I, for the life of me, could not think/remember anything at that moment. So I said, "I don't know." He hung up the phone, and I bawled. Tony, in the infinite wisdom of a three year old, hugged me because he knew I was sad. He tried his hardest to make it all better. He even told me that the doctors would make Grandma Moo Moo, as he calls her, all better. But I told him that I was afraid that they couldn't this time. And it turns out that I was right. They lost Mom on the way to the hospital, or so they said. Griff is fairly certain that she was gone before the paramedics ever arrived at the house.

I tried to be the strong one today. I called all my siblings as well as other family members to tell them what happened. Like always, I went into auto-pilot mode to get what needed to be done taken care of. Then I broke down later after everyone else had gone to bed for the night. After all, there were phone calls to be made to the bank, the insurance company, and the attorney's office. There was a meeting with the funeral director to make arrangements. Then I had to find a pastor for the service, make arrangements for the music, pick out clothing for mom to be dressed in, choose and contact pall bearers, and the list goes on... Nevermind my own family that was waiting for me when I returned home. I am so thankful for my husband. He really has been my rock through all of this. I love him so much.

I'm glad for Mom that her battle with cancer is finally over. Although she forever remained stoic and uncomplaining, I know that these past couple of months have been really hard for her. She's in a better place now. A place free from pain where she can be at peace. And she is again reunited with Dad. I'm also very thankful that she was able to retain her dignity. Her biggest fear was of being bed-ridden and relying on others to care for her. Her wish was granted, however, to remain self-sufficient right up to the very end. I thank God for granting her that.

I can't say more right now. But even though this chapter of my life is drawing to a close, I know that the story must go on. And in order for that to happen, I have to try and get some sleep. So off to bed I go...